He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Found your dick twin last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
