Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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