I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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