careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize