yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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