im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
