He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Your cock deserves a montage
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
