I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
