So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
