everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
