Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sobbing to NWA
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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