My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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