I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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