I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
