Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
