i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
