god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't deserve a penis
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
