I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
