so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
