idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she smelled like a LAN party
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
