I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm at about main and main street
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
