You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
