whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
