Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
