Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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