Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
