So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
