Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize