i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
