my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
