Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize