I wish I could teleport
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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