her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
