i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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