my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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