It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
