Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We're too hungover to prance.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
