And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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