I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
