Your tits are I can't wait for
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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