You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize