I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
not ubering you a puppy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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