Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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