I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
