Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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