btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
