At least make sure they are 18
Why
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
