you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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