its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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