Swine flu. Run for my life!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
