I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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