Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Drake has all the answers
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
