Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
