Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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