Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
