You're completely useless in the revolution.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
