So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
