So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize