I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
