Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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