So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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