Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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