It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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