drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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