I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
