When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
