I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
