No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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