I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
