just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
