Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
