So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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