oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize