she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
