You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
