Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
