Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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