think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
