you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
