hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
